Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue   and
frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems.  Give   me
the menu
card.

 _________________________________________________________________

Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight,   will it
get to
Brighton in
two   days'time?'
Post Master : 'Well it might do.'
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to London

Charity begins at home?

A local charity office realized that town's most successful lawyer never contributed anything towards their benefit fund. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution.

"Our research shows that out of the total yearly income of $ 500,000, you've given not a penny to charity. Don't t you like to give something back to community in some way or the other?"

The lawyer replied, "Did your research also show that my mother is dying of a prolonged illness, and the medical bills are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the director mumbled, "Um... no."

"Or for that matter, my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. "Or that my sister's husband died in a car accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children to support?"
"I had no idea," said the director in a low tone.

"So if I don't give a penny to them, why on earth would I give any to you?"

Don’t Need One of Those

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the little girl next door came up and asked if she could play, too. He said, "okay."

Shortly he began bragging, "I have a big fire engine."

The girl responded, "So, I have a fire engine too. See!"

Only slightly put off he expressed, "I have a toy tank!"

She looked at it and quietly reached behind the sand box and pulled out a toy M1 Tank and said, "I have one, too."

The young boy almost in tears dropped his pants and says, "I have a naughty rod!"

The little girl looked down her pants and burst into tears and ran home crying all the way.

The next day the lad is playing in his sand box when the little girl approaches. He says, "are you back for more? I told you I have that and you don’t!"

"Well," said the little girl, "my mom told me not to worry about it. She said I have one of these... and as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"

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