A higher grade

There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for A grade, B grade, and C grade.

One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in.

In due course he received it back with the professor's comments.

"I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"

Generosity at its best

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbour. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."

"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"

Experience

A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, "It's my birthday today, and I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th one." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink; in fact, I'll take care of this one for you." As the woman finishes her drink, another lady sitting to her right says, "I guess I should buy you a drink." The old woman says, "All right. Bartender, I want a scotch and two drops of water."
"All right," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, a man sitting to her left says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink, I guess I might as well buy you one."
The old woman says, "All right. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the scotch and only two drops of water?" asks the man.
"Sonny, you learn that when you're my age, you can hold your liquor but you sure can't hold your water," replies the old woman.

Hippopotamus

The teacher was finding it hard to discipline her students during the period. "Children, please keep quite," she shouted.

"Attention! Today we're going to start a lesson on hippopotamus. And if you don't keep quite and look at me, you will never know how a hippo looks like!" she added.

Bond...James Bond

Once James Bond and a Telugu guy were flying together, seated next to each other.
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "I am Bond…James Bond."
James Bond: "And you?"
Telugu Guy: "I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai.... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata
Sai...Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata
Sai...Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva
Vvenkata Sai ...Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai."

James Bond collapses.

Watching Bubbles...

For his final project in a statistics class, a student decides to conduct a survey and to make it interesting he chooses to find out peoples' favorite pastimes.

The teacher instructs that a sample of minimum 100 is required, so he sets out to visit a fairly large apartment building near the university.

He knocks on the first door and a man answers. "Sir, what is your name?" asked the student.

"John," says the man.

"Sir, I'm doing a college study and would like to know what your favorite pastime is?"
"Watching bubbles in the bath," came the reply.

He goes to the next door, and asks again. "Sir,what is your name?"

"Jeff," says the man. "Sir, would you please tell me your favorite pastime?" "Watching bubbles in the bath," was the answer.

Quite amused by the same answer, he goes on to ask a good number of people in the building and to his surprise all residents of that building reply the same.

He leaves the building and walks across the street. At the first house, he knocks and an attractive sorority girl opens the door.

The boy starts again, "What is your name?"

"Bubbles!"

Click here for previous joke             Click here for next joke