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As US tourists
in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem
souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists to arrive. An Arab salesman
approached them carrying fancy leather belts. After an impassioned
sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.
A rich lady boarded an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator.
He began to
sniff. The lady asked, "Do you smell something?"
A woman army
driver, after a long drive arrived at her destination, a remote camp,
Made in Japan
tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Chicago and asked to be taken out to
O'Hare Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded,
"TOYOTA! Made in Japan, very fast!"
Success in marriage
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work.
When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.
Bob thought he'd
give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed
her and told her that he loved her.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Two opposing county chairmen were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'"
Wealth, Wisdom or Beauty
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."