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Little Johnny learns Physics
Teacher:
"What is actually used as a conductor of electricity?"
Johnny: "Why? Err..."
Teacher: "Wire is right. Very good! Now tell me, what is the unit
of
electrical power?"
Johnny: "The what?"
Teacher: "That's absolutely correct, the watt. Now class, you
should
all study diligently like Johnny here."
Santa lands in US
Santa and Banta, both pilots, try to land an
airplane in the United
States.
They start descending and as they touch the
ground, Banta screamed "The
runway is ending!"
Santa swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending
again. The moment they touch the ground, Banta screams again "Get
the plane up, the runaway is ending!"
Santa swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending
again. This goes on again and again.
During their fourth descent, Santa says,
"Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge &
expensive airport but with such a short runaway", "I
know" answers Banta, "But look how wide they made it."
How long
A
man sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before
I
can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says,
"About 2
hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks
around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 2
hours." The guy leaves.
A
week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks
around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The
guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing
hysterically.
The
barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill
looked up and said, "To your wife."
Perfect shape
Guy's
wife comes home from her physical checkup at the MD’s and her hubby
says, 'Well, how did it go?' She tells him, 'The doctor says I'm in
perfect shape!'
Husband
says, 'Oh, yeah? How about that big fat ass?' She replies, 'Actually,
your name never came up!'
Banta at KBC
In
one of the most popular TV shows Banta happened to be competing for
the top prize, Rs 1 crore. He had won Rs 50 lakh with two lifelines
left (phone a friend and 50-50).
Amitabh:
Who is father of Abhishek?
A. Amitabh
B. Rajiv Gandhi
C. Sunil Gavaskar
D. Dharmendra
Banta:
I know the answer, but I am not sure.
Amitabh:
(Transfixed to hear this) Banta, you got 2 life lines left you can go
for that.
Banta:
I will go for 50-50
Amitabh:
Computer, please delete two incorrect answers.
The
answers left on computer screen were
C.
Sunil Gavaskar
D. Dharmendra
Amitabh:
(almost faints at this) Banta, what's your choice between the two?
Banta:
I am still not sure of the answer, I will use my lifeline, phone a
friend.
Amitabh:
Ok. Whom would you like to call?
Banta: Jaya, Abhishek's mom of course.
Little Johnny eating a candy bar
Little
Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another.
After
the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you
know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little
Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The
man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?"
Little
Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
Efficiency Expert
The
efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"Please do not try these techniques at home."
"Why
not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"I
watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert
explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.
'Honey,' I suggested, 'why don't you try carrying several things at
once?'"
The
voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The
expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty
minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
Football
wedding
Two
students were talking about their teacher's wedding.
"It's ridiculous! Sure, he's rich, but he's 93 while she is just
26 years of age! What kind of wedding is that?" says
one."Well, we have a name for that kind of wedding," says
the other.
"Oh, yeah? What's that?"'
"We call it a football wedding."
"A football wedding? But what's a football got to do with
marriage?"
"She's just waiting for him to kick off!"
User support
A
Microsoft support executive goes to a firing range. He shoots 10
bullets at the target. The supervisors check the target and report
that not a single bullet hit the target.
Surprised
at this, he tells them to check again. The supervisors report again
that he has missed the target completely.
He,
then puts his finger at the nozzle and fires, making a mess of his own
hand. "I don't know, it's working perfectly fine here. The
problem must be at your end," he shouts back.
The
ape act
Once
a hat seller was passing through a forest on his way home. Tired by
the
day's work, he decided to relax under the shade of a tree. So tired
was he, that in no time he fell asleep. An hour later when he woke up,
he was transfixed to see his basket of hats completely empty.
He
looked around and was saw that some monkeys on the tree under which he
slept were wearing all his hats. Disappointed, he sat there scratching
his head, thinking of how to recover his hats from the naughty
animals.
To
his surprise, he noticed that the monkeys were imitating him. They too
were scratching their heads. He took off his hat slowly and the
monkeys did the same. Next moment, he threw his hat on the ground to
find the monkeys throwing all the hats in a similar fashion. He
finally managed to get his hats back.
But
this is not the end of the story....
Decades
later, his grandson, also a hat seller by profession, was passing
through the same forest. Tired by the day's work, he too decided to
take a short nap under the tree. And when he woke up he saw monkeys
wearing all his hats. He knew what to do as he had heard the story
from his grandfather. He started scratching his head and the monkeys
followed. Confident of success, he took off his hat and threw it on
the ground exactly the way his grandfather had done years back.
But
to his surprise, the monkeys did not do the same. Then, one monkey
climbed down and grabbed his hat, gave him a tight slap and said,
"And you think only you have a grandfather?
Drink to glory
On
Saint Patrick's Day, an Irishman managed to get himself a little
drunk. On his way back, his car was swerving all over the road. A cop
pulled him over.
"So,"
said the cop to him, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a
few this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a broad smile.
"Did
you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell
out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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