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Surprised at this, the blonde wondered as to how the dumb machine generate a keyboard error when there was no keyboard attached to the system
A man was called into his bank to
discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape,"
the banker stated. "Your checking
John's wife had just bought a new
line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks
"I want you to stop my son from gambling," an anxious father said to his boy's school principal. "I don't know where he gets it from but it's always a bet, bet, bet." "Leave it to me," said the principal. A week later he called up the boy's father and said, "I think I've cured him."
"How?" queried the boy's
The businessman dragged himself home
and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.
One day, John was chiding his blonde wife about leaving her keys in the car. "If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned."Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" John countered.
"Oh that's okay," the wife replied, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!"
A married couple is driving down the
interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife
looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for
15 years, but, I want a divorce."
A young pilot wanted to sound cool
on the routine aviation process and frequencies. So, the first time
approaching a field during the nighttime hours, instead of making any
official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess whom?"
The right reward
A blind man was standing with his
dog in a corner when the dog raised his leg pissed on his trouser.
"He'll never learn anything if
you reward him when he does something like tha!." The blind man
" I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass for he just did".
Blind as a bat
One night, a vampire bat came flapping in, covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats around him smelled the blood and began hassling him as to where did he manage the kill from. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted.
Finally he finally gave in and said,
The frog and the princess
A frog, tired of his routine life,
calls the psychic help line in frustration. "You are going to
Excited at hearing this, the frog queries further, "This is great! But, will I meet her at a party or
Whose child is it?
A man and his
wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their
child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to
the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she
should retain custody.
After her husband's checkup, a woman was called into the doctor's office. The doctor told her, "Your husband has a serious disease. There are several things you'll have to do for him, or he will surely die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant to him. Make him a nutritious lunch for work, and an especially nice meal for his dinner. Don't give him chores, or that will increase his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him either. Try to relax him in the evenings by wearing lingerie and giving him backrubs. Let him play golf every weekend and listen patiently to how his round went. And most importantly, make love to him several times a week and satisfy his wildest desires. If you do these things for the next 10 months to a year, I think he'll pull through."
In a Sydney Park
stood two statues, one female and the other male.
With that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Alright. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head."
Although a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job.
One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote: "The climate didn't agree with me."