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Feeling Like A Woman
trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is
awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One
woman in particular loses her nerve. Screaming, she stands up in the front of
the plane. "I’m too young to die!" she wails.
Then she yells, "Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to
be memorable! I’ve had plenty of love making in my life, but no one has ever
made me really feel like a woman! Well, I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this
plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they
all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a
woman," he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet
black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one
button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He
removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and
extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron
A girl was
going on her first date and her grandmother gave her some advice:
“The boy may try to kiss you -- it will feel good, but don’t do it. He may try
to go up your skirt -- but don’t let him. He may try to try to take your clothes
off -- but don’t do it. He may try to get on top of you -- but don’t do it. If
you do any of these things, you’ll disgrace your family.”
The girl said she understood and went on her date.
The girl came home at about 11pm and her grandmother was waiting for her and
said, “Well, did you disgrace the family.” “No,” said the girl, “Instead of
letting him do those things to me, I did them to him and now it’s his family
Mismatched Pair of Gloves
man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart, and after much
consideration he decided upon a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s
sister, he went to a department store and carefully chose a pair of white
gloves. The sister purchased a pair of undergarments. Without checking the
contents he sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with this note, not
realizing the two packets had got exchanged.
This is a
little gift to show you that I have not forgotten your birthday. I chose these
because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out.
If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones
with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove.
a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had
been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl
try them on and she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you for the
first time. No doubt other men’s hands will touch them before I have a chance to
see you again.
take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a
little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they
might shrink. I hope you will like them and will wear them for me on Friday
service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At
the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same
synagogue and at the end of the service the pallbearers are again carrying out
the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Please don’t hit the
He’n & She’n
The preacher stood before the
congregation. ’’Brothers and Sisters, I understand that there have been some
he’n and she’n going on. I will not tolerate fornication in my church. All of
those who are guilty, leave my presence.’’ So some men and women exited the
’’Brothers and Sisters, I also understand that there have been some he’n and
he’n going on. Those who are guilty, leave my presence.’’ So some embarrassed
men exited the church.
’’Brothers and Sisters, I also understand that there have been some she’n and
she’n going on. Those who are guilty, leave my presence.’’ So some women got up
and exited the church. The preacher looked around and the only one left in the
church was a little boy sitting in the front pew. The preacher walked up to the
’’I would like to commend you for being such an upright, loyal Christian.’’
’’Hold up now preacher. If you had gotten down to some me’n and some me’n, I’d
have to get up and leave too!’’
Betty & Tim
were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached
the pearly gates, St. Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married
"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."
Six months passed and finally Peter returned.
"Yes, we can do this for you."
"Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need
to know that if things don’t work out there’s a possibility that we could be
divorced?’ To which St. Peter answered "It took me six months to find a priest
in heaven...how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer up there?"